I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
