She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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