I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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