it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
