so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize