After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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