woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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