Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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