2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Found the puke drawer
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
