So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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