there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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