We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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