do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
