Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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