i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
