He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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