Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
