Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
