I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
