If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
