Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
