I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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