Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
