oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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