I cannot find my penis.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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