i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize