3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
