THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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