sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
