so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
