im drinking this country out of the recession.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
