i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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