He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
