Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
