If that was your dad, he is hot
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
