ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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