On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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