Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
