alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
