Your tits are I can't wait for
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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