I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
