Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
