My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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