he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize