and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
