Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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