do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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