What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
