Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
