ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
