Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
