I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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