i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
