I wanna bring you to show and tell
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
