Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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