Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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