Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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