You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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