is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize