So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
