Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
