you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
