he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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