WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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