Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
not ubering you a puppy
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
