You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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