apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How's work?
Spinning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He? As in you personified your dick?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
