I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
