It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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